These are some of the weird and stupid news articles I read online last week.
Manny Being Wo-Manny
Los Angeles- Manny Ramirez was suspended for 50 games by Major League Baseball for testing positive for a banned substance. "What was this substance?" you ask. It wasn't steroids. It wasn't HGH. It was HCG. Yep, that HCG. The same HCG that women use as a fertility medicine. Men also use it to boost testosterone to treat ED. That's what Manny says he used it for. Right. Nevermind the fact that it's also used for raising testosterone after steroid use. Well, Manny, now you have until Independence Day to work on that whole conceiving thing. Good Luck!!!
http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2009/baseball/mlb/05/07/manny/index.html?cnn=yes
Stop Me if You've Heard this One Before...
Devon- Spiderman, an Oompa Loompa and Tinky Winky walk into a holiday camp. They then proceed to get into a drunken brawl and go to jail. Sounds like an awesome party!
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1177338/Spiderman-Tinky-Winky-Oompa-Loompa-spend-night-cells-fancy-dress-brawl-holiday-camp.html
Hickey Mom
New Zealand- A woman, 32, went to her son's work to talk to him about missing curfew. While there, she noticed a hickey on the 15-year-old's neck. Then things got all punchy.
http://www.nzherald.co.nz/nz/news/article.cfm?c_id=1&objectid=10570332
Caught Brown Handed
Bethlehem, PA- A man, 24, was arrested in connection with 3 apartment burglaries. During these burglaries the apartments were also vandalized with spray paint, chocolate syrup and chocolate pudding. When the police found him he had pudding, syrup and paint on his hands. Bill Cosby unavailable for comment.
http://www.wmtw.com/news/19369207/detail.html
Waffle House
Crestview, FL- A 32-year-old woman was charged with assault with a deadly weopon after a woman found her in her house with a crutch and a long-handled knife. She was issued a trespass warning for all of Crestview Housing Authority with the exception of her home and the Waffle House. No word on whether she works there or not, but if she doesn't, that's really strange.
http://www.nwfdailynews.com/news/ewing-17178-cecil-residence.html
Man Skirt?
New Orleans- A man sued the New Orleans Police Department for $1, a ruling that his rights were violated and an order against barring access to public facilities because of gender stereotyping. This was in response to an officer threatening to arrest him for wearing a black pinstriped skirt to municipal court. I like that he only sued for $1. It shows that he's not in it for the money, but for the principle of the situation. http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2009/05/05/ap/strange/main4993178.shtml
Uncorked
Surrey- A paramedic in his 40's walked into a store to buy wine while he was in uniform and on duty. He was told that the store policy didn't allow them to sell alcohol to people in uniform. So he got mad, walked out to his vehicle and did the only logical thing. He stripped down to his thong and socks and went back in to buy his bottle of wine. Well, I guess it's logical, since he's the second person to strip down in protest of the store this year.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1176864/Paramedic-tried-buy-wine-wearing-thong-supermarket-staff-refused-serve-uniform.html
Monday, May 11, 2009
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
It is what it is...
There are some phrases out there that really bother me. Some of these are cliches that are used too often or in the wrong context. Usually when I hear them I have some witty, smart-ass comment to the person who wasted the brain cells it took for me to process what they said. Now, for the education of all people who use these ridiculous phrases, here are some of the gems that really make my head hurt.
It is what it is.
Really? Are you sure? Maybe it is what it isn't or it isn't what it is. You might want to be careful when using this phrase because...
If it's not one thing, it's another.
Right. Thanks for clearing that up for me, buddy. I guess I'll never know what it really is. Oh well...
What's done is done.
It's actually helpful to know that this is how things work. Otherwise, I may think that something done is just starting. Or, maybe it's just an intermission. I'm confused.
It's always in the last place you look.
Because if you find it and then keep looking for it, you may want to consult a psychiatrist. Of course, I'm still not sure what it is.
Same difference.
By definition, same and difference are, in fact, opposites.
It's exactly the same, except...
Or something along these lines. Like, "I have a sweater that looks exactly like that, except mine is blue, not pink." Exactly means that there are no differences. Unless those differences are the same.
I could care less.
Good. That means you care. Now if you said you couldn't care less, that would mean you don't care.
Needless to say.
Then don't say it.
More better.
And any variation where somebody says more before using a word that ends in er. Ex. more better, more happier, more dumber. It is not necessary to say more when using one of these words.
Give 110%.
It is not possible to give more than 100%. I can't try any harder than is physically, mentally or emotionally possible. If you want more than 100% effort, I don't know what to tell you. I know this may sound selfish, especially since...
There's no I in team.
Good. You know how to spell team. Did you happen to notice, though, that there is an m and an e. That spells me. So when I'm on a team, it's not about I, but about me.
Thinking outside the box.
Do people really get into a box to do their thinking? I may sit in a stall to think but never a box.
No disrespect intended/ with all due respect.
Anytime someone starts a sentence with one of these phrases, they are about to say something disrespectful. This does not make it ok. You are still disrespectful. If you don't intend to disrespect someone, don't say disrespectful things.
Anyway, that's the end of my rant. If you have any more suggestions for stupid phrases I encourage you to leave comments.
It is what it is.
Really? Are you sure? Maybe it is what it isn't or it isn't what it is. You might want to be careful when using this phrase because...
If it's not one thing, it's another.
Right. Thanks for clearing that up for me, buddy. I guess I'll never know what it really is. Oh well...
What's done is done.
It's actually helpful to know that this is how things work. Otherwise, I may think that something done is just starting. Or, maybe it's just an intermission. I'm confused.
It's always in the last place you look.
Because if you find it and then keep looking for it, you may want to consult a psychiatrist. Of course, I'm still not sure what it is.
Same difference.
By definition, same and difference are, in fact, opposites.
It's exactly the same, except...
Or something along these lines. Like, "I have a sweater that looks exactly like that, except mine is blue, not pink." Exactly means that there are no differences. Unless those differences are the same.
I could care less.
Good. That means you care. Now if you said you couldn't care less, that would mean you don't care.
Needless to say.
Then don't say it.
More better.
And any variation where somebody says more before using a word that ends in er. Ex. more better, more happier, more dumber. It is not necessary to say more when using one of these words.
Give 110%.
It is not possible to give more than 100%. I can't try any harder than is physically, mentally or emotionally possible. If you want more than 100% effort, I don't know what to tell you. I know this may sound selfish, especially since...
There's no I in team.
Good. You know how to spell team. Did you happen to notice, though, that there is an m and an e. That spells me. So when I'm on a team, it's not about I, but about me.
Thinking outside the box.
Do people really get into a box to do their thinking? I may sit in a stall to think but never a box.
No disrespect intended/ with all due respect.
Anytime someone starts a sentence with one of these phrases, they are about to say something disrespectful. This does not make it ok. You are still disrespectful. If you don't intend to disrespect someone, don't say disrespectful things.
Anyway, that's the end of my rant. If you have any more suggestions for stupid phrases I encourage you to leave comments.
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Random Thoughts
Why do we park in the driveway but drive on the parkway? Were these named by kids during recess at elementary school on opposite day? Which, if I remember correctly, is every Tuesday.
I know that the word cookie comes from the Dutch word koekje, which means small cake, but to me, cookie sounds like something you cook. Cookies are baked. That's why I call them bakies.
Why are feet and teeth not foots and tooths like the rest of our multiple body parts?
Also, while I'm on the subject of plurals, a friend of mine recently asked me why the plural form of sheep is sheep and the plural form of fish is fish. I could not answer him because I was being chased by a pack of wolf.
That is all for now.
I know that the word cookie comes from the Dutch word koekje, which means small cake, but to me, cookie sounds like something you cook. Cookies are baked. That's why I call them bakies.
Why are feet and teeth not foots and tooths like the rest of our multiple body parts?
Also, while I'm on the subject of plurals, a friend of mine recently asked me why the plural form of sheep is sheep and the plural form of fish is fish. I could not answer him because I was being chased by a pack of wolf.
That is all for now.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
